"Mirror, mirror, on the wall..."

We all love reading about toxic leadership, but what if we're using the mirror incorrectly, just like the Evil Queen?

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the most TOXIC of them all?"

Admittedly, that doesn't have quite the same ring as the line from Disney's adaptation of the fairytale, "Snow White."

But what if the Evil Queen was on social media? What content would she be indulging in on LinkedIn?

We've all seen them: "10 traits of a toxic boss" or "How to know if you're working for a toxic leader."

Some of this content is genuinely helpful.

It reminds us that just because work is challenging, our boss might not be the problem.

Or, it confirms gaslighting and empowers us to take action.

WHO'S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?

But here's what's missing: Where are the "10 signs your behavior is toxic" articles?

Why do we eagerly consume content that identifies toxicity in others while avoiding similar scrutiny of ourselves?

We find satisfaction in highlighting in others what we're unwilling to see in ourselves.

We're happy to ask the mirror to show us our perfections or to highlight others' flaws, but rarely ask it to reveal our own. This is the purpose of a mirror, after all.

The queen never used her mirror to see her jealousy or cruelty – just her beauty. We do the same. We check our appearance but ignore the flaws in our character.

THE REFLECTION WE AVOID

Toxic leaders exist, but their toxicity didn't suddenly appear when they were promoted (or became queen).

Leadership didn't create the problem; it just gave them the authority to affect more people.

The mirror of leadership simply revealed what was already there.

The truth is that harmful workplace behavior isn't exclusively a leadership problem.

It's a personal trait built from years of refusing to reflect on the truth, "Maybe I'm part of the problem here."

LOOKING DEEPLY INTO THE GLASS

It reminds me of James 1:22-25, which captures this idea perfectly:

"Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like."

In other words, there's a big difference between glancing at your reflection and genuinely seeing yourself. Real growth happens when we not only look but take action.

ASKING YOURSELF THE HARD QUESTIONS

Ready to be a doer and honestly examine your reflection? Ask these tough questions:

1️⃣ Name a time you blamed someone else for a problem you contributed to. What exactly was your role in creating that situation?

2️⃣ Think of someone you criticized recently. Put yourself in their shoes - what would they say about you? How might they view your actions?

3️⃣ Which conflicts get worse when you're involved? How does the atmosphere change simply because you're in the room?

4️⃣ What feedback have you dismissed because it was "just their opinion" or "they don't understand my history?"

5️⃣ Ask a trusted friend: "What do I consistently do that makes things difficult?" Just listen. Take notes. Say thank you.

THE PATH FORWARD

This ability to own "I'm part of the problem" without making excuses is crucial to who you are and who you will become.

Remember the Evil Queen. It all starts with a failure to see ourselves rightly.

Taking steps toward growth, change, and restoration forms the heartbeat of the humbletough ethos.

Being humbletough means seeing your true reflection – warts and all – and having the courage to do something about it.

It's a difficult balance: humble enough to admit your flaws, tough enough to work on them.

Next time you see a "10 signs of a toxic boss" article, remember: you're looking at a mirror, not a window. The same patterns might be developing in you right now.

We need more people willing to ask their mirror a different question: "Show me not who's the fairest, but where I need to grow."

Next time you read about toxic behaviors, pause and ask yourself, "Do I ever do this?" That simple question might be the most important one you'll ask today.

Don't be a hearer only.

As always, Stay humble. Hang tough.

Paul Tucker